musings...

[ilbegone]

I haven't stepped into a church for decades.

The Jesus of my youth was somewhat like an ominous Santa Claus, Jesus knew when you were sleeping and when you were awake. However, the payoff wasn't at Christmas, it was after you died and if you didn't do what the preacher said (almost drowned out among all the "AMEN"s, "YES JESUS", and "PRAISE THE LORD!") Jesus was going to throw you in hell to burn forever and ever. However, that seemed to last among all but the front "Amen Pew" until after potluck. If you didn't sin during the week, you couldn't be forgiven at next Sunday's hellfire and brimstone fest.

They never brought Jesus down from the cross where he hangs dead from your sins with that strategically placed loincloth and crown of thorns, unless it's to show you that picture where his hands are placed together and he looks like a well groomed blue eyed, blond hippy gazing upward.

I rather picture Jesus as short, bushy bearded, prematurely balding, little Jewish looking guy with reading glasses and maybe a yarmulka and a voice like Mel Brooks.

I've wondered about Jesus, he had to have a sense of humor and other qualities which attracted people. So unlike how he's portrayed by common religionists.

When he was a child, did he ever put a large garter snake in his sister's bedding to get some yuks hearing her freak out? Did he ever place his hand in his armpit and wave his arm up and down, making armpit farts? Did he incinerate his clothing trying to light his farts on fire? Did Joseph ever bust an adolescent Jesus "rubbing one out"? Was Jesus ever distracted from a task by a large breasted woman coming into his field of vision? Did he tell "Pharisee" jokes? Play a game of 7 card stud? Did he have pets?

He had to be something other than a dull recluse who managed to threaten Roman security and chase money changers out of the temple while pissing off the Pharisees. Besides coming back for revenge at the end of times.

[AyatollahGondola]

I know why you have all these questions; It's because of this:

I haven't stepped into a church for decades.

[ilbegone]

I know why you have all these questions; It's because of this:

Thanks a lot. Now I'm getting this creepy feeling like the old gal that played the piano is getting ready to grab me by the ear and give it a twist

[AyatollahGondola]

Sorry; I thought you were looking for a push into the confessional. Happens to the best of us

[AyatollahGondola]

I was thinking about some of your ...ah...musings, and wanted to relay some of what I was taught in my catechism classes from long ago, however I feel like I would be practicing religion without a license so to speak. You don't need to get it from a hack like me, who would impart years of personal slant anyway.

[ilbegone]

Go ahead, there lots of people who drive on suspended and revoked licenses.

I'm interested in what you have to say.

[AyatollahGondola]

OK, I'll start with this,


It seems to me you want to see if Jesus had a human background. In other words, was he born as a human and evolved or was bestowed higher "powers" as opposed to being born a more supernatural being. Do you feel you might better connect to the word of God if you came to believe that his son was actually one of you? Not just flesh and blood, but mind as well.

[ilbegone]

I believe there was a real person named Jesus. I also believe he was a remarkable person indeed.

There are quite a few people who would be his spokesman. And I think in all the conversations I might have with Jesus all those years ago he only talked to me when he agreed with whatever it was I wanted to do, if you get the drift.

Divine approval, yes!!!!

Jesus seems to have been on both sides of every war ever fought between nominally Christian nations, the cannon shot were blessed both ways.

I believe that whatever message Jesus may have had, it was hijacked not long after his death and continues to evolve in myriad "I'm right and you're wrong" ways.

The comment about Jesus never coming off the cross has to do with my perception that he is not really portrayed as being among the rabble as he surely was, the rejects of mainstream society who heard something from Jesus which gave them a hope which withstood foreknowledge of a certain, painful death. And pre modern societies generally believed that capital punishment was not so much about death as it was about inflicting as much prolonged suffering as possible before death.

It seems to have been more about treading out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored coupled with a tortured concept of what it is to be human, yet be acceptable to whatever omnipitant power there is that has the fly swatter poised over your soul.

There had to be something different in the beginning, or it would have ended up like the wacko in Waco.

[ilbegone]

I don't know the right words for what I so clumsily portrayed in the "muse"

But young Jesus had to be something more than a than a child prodigy who could out debate the religious figures of his time. Certainly he didn't lead a monastic existence.

[AyatollahGondola]

There had to be something different in the beginning, or it would have ended up like the wacko in Waco.

How much different was it? Jesus was cruxified with many followers. Jesus and followers held to their beliefs in spite of the ruling government at the time.

[ilbegone]

David Koresh's message only lasted as long as he himself did. And I believe his message had more to do with as many women as he could handle than anything else.

Jesus didn't lock himself up in a compound either.